"Sending Cosmic Questions Out Into the Void...

Hello my friends... you guys might be wondering like... what the crud is goin on with Mary... LoL so yeeeeah..

Once again, Chris and I have broken up.. and I think this time it's probably gonna stay that way. I care very much about him and want the best for him, but lately I felt that I couldn't be the one to give him that anymore...

Also since we've gotten back together before he's been holding stuff over my head, saying that he won't trust me unless I do this and that... and just putting a lot of pressure on me and making me feel kinda poopy... I didn't really feel happy anymore.. and the one you are with should make you feel happy so... I dunno.. he asked me for another chance but I gave him like five million chances every time he brought something up that upset me... so finally I was like I can't do this anymore.. and I did tell him that he was upsetting me and that he was pushing me away by acting that way, then saying sorry, saying he wouldn't bring stuff up again.. and then later he would bring stuff up again anyway... it was just very frustrating... so yeeeah... he would also say things a certain way to make me feel bad... and.. meeeh..

That and I feel like the magicalness (can't think of a better word) wasn't there anymore for some reason... like when I was with him... something in the back of my mind said "something isn't right anymore.. something is missing that I don't think will come back".. I dunno... its like we fell into this rut of do do doooo hang out... play games... do doo dooooo bye.... and... like.. the chemistry was kinda... missing... chemistry is sorta the wrong word maybe but I dunno... cuz I felt like at times he would still kinda not be completely there... its hard to explain without sounding meaner than I really mean.. but yeah...

Anyways.. I want to still be there for him as a friend if he wants me to be cuz again I do care very much about him... its just as far as a romantic relationship is concerned.. I just can't anymore... and unfortunately he is taking it very hard... and I feel terrible about it and want to be there for him but obviously that would just make things worse in a way.. so.. blarg..

The thing I realized is that even though I care about him.. and perhaps even still love him.. I realized that there is certain things I just don't think I could live with or deal with.. for the rest of my life.. I did the whole "okay he's gonna be like this and this for the rest of his life... do you think you could live with it for the rest of ur life if you got married to him?" and I thought "I don't think I can anymore" so... yeah.. who knows if I was wrong.. only time can tell really I guess.. but right now it seemed for me the right decision.. as hard as it was...

So thats pretty much what happened in a rambling nutshell LoL .. sorry to be so random and like "oh btw" xD but yeeeeeah... :) I hope everyone is doing okay thoughs... I will probably update about more iiinteresting stuffs at some point ^.^ I send loveness to all! ^_^

Hello everyone...

I'm sry I haven't been on here in foreeever... I send loveness to all ^_^

So those of you on Facebook or Myspace might have noticed that it now says I'm single.... yeeeeeeeeah... for those of you that might want to know what the crud monkeys happened.. weeeeell.... >.> (here we go):

Basically.. I've been more and more worried over recent months that Chris and I had gotten into this rut where I felt like he was almost taking me for granted in a way... at least I felt that way... We went to an anime convention on the weekend of Valentines day, and when there, he took out all his anger about complete stupid stuff on me... cuz he basically knows that he can get away with it by now cuz I'm so easy going... and he gave me the silent treatment.. and basically acted like a complete jerk to me... and when I tried to be there for him and ask him what was wrong.. he wouldn't tell me... saying things like "can't I be angry just cuz?" and only the next day would he tell me why...

He complained that it seemed like I wanted to hang out with everyone else more than him when in actuality every time I tried to hug him or be with him.. he would ignore me and play his DS and at one point he actually glared at me and shoved me away... for nooo reason... other than he was angry that he had to go late on Friday to the con cuz we had to wait for one of my friends.... (which I asked him ahead of time if he would be okay with that and he said yes)

So basically I decided that if he is going to do things like this and not communicate properly with me (or communicate backwards) I just thought I needed a break from it all... so yeeeeeah...

Anyways ... thats basically what happened in a nutshell... I was just bothered with the fact that he has recently been trying to get away with more and more with me ... and I was just like.. okaaaay.... LoL but yeah.. the annoying thing is I don't think he realized what he did wrong at all... if he could just stop being stubborn all the time and try to communicate with me better and not try to get away with treating me like poo cuz I'm too easy going... things would have been fiiine.. LoL ... but noooOOOooo... he expected me to make everything better without telling me what was wrong even though I tried so hard to ask him what was wrong and for him to tell me what he wanted... and then after everything is too late and I can't do anything about stuff... he tells me what I shoooould have done.... that I would have been willing to do (and actually did... (trying to give him attention) but he shoved me away.. literally) and it's just like.. why didn't you tell me.. instead of saying in an immature voice "NOTHING'S WRONG OKAY?" -_- ....

So yeeeah *done venting* .... anyways... I don't know what will happen now.. I do miss him... of course.. I mean we were going out for 3 and a half years.. so yeeeeah... and I wanted everything to work out... but I seriously couldn't take this anymore.. and this kind of stuff.. where he just tries to get away with ignoring me to do stuff or get angry at me for silly things.. and stuff like that.. has just been getting worse and worse... even though I would talk to him about it... and even though we used to never get into arguments.. we got into them more and more.... so yeeeah... I just needed a break... who knows if we will be able to work things out in the future or not... but anyways...

Unfortunately.. Chris has taken this really badly... he has been drinking.. a lot.. I'm really worried about him... and even though he's mentioned in his myspace blog thingie that "he's hurt a lot of people and he's a bad man" and stuff like that... he's not a "bad man"... he just doesn't realize I don't think what he's really done... or what certain actions can do when you repeat them over time.... so yeah... >.< blarg...

He was even at one point thinking that I left him for this guy that I recently made friends with named Josh.. which is not the case... all the above is why.. not because of Josh... *sigh*.. so yeah... it's caused a lot of stress.. I'm just going to take everything one day at a time... hopefully stuff will all sort out somehow.... so I just thought I would give you all a heads up... sry for rambling like a crazy person... ^_^

*hugness to all* .. I hope everyone is doing well! ^_^

Okay so this is totally random and spawns from the fact that I am procrastinating starting my homework buuuuut I thought I would share this with all of yooous!

Recently I've been on a crazy Studio Ghibli kick, you know, the awesome people who created Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle.... so I've been watching everything I can find that was created by them... cuz yeah.. they are awesome...

So I stumbled across one movie they created in the 80's called "Only Yesterday," which isn't really the greatest movie they ever made but there is one part in it that I think all of you must see that is adorable/hilarious! Soooo YouTube to the rescuuuuuue! Enjoy! (seriously omg watch it! xD):



LoL her face at the end = priceless xD

Anyways... off I go to do (more) homework... yaaaay.... =.=

Omgeeees I've been waaaay too busy.. it makes me sad T.T LoL

Happy Birthdays go out to Nique and Catherine and omgees I feel like I'm forgetting people... oh snap who else.. Chris's birthday is next Tuesday... Julia's is comin up too right? October? or is it November... aaaa LoL I fail! xD but yesh... Loveness to all anyways xD

And yeeeah.. I have been so stressed lately with all this work I've been doing for school, that I actually decided to drop my Typography course.. and I felt bad cuz he was a nice teacher.. but he was all like "oh yeeah btw you have like 4 projects due on the same day mmmk" and I was like AAAAAA.. so yeeeeah... but then he sent me a nice email that was all like "aww I'm sry your not going to be in my class, you showed great potential, I wish you luck with stuff.. keep working on things!" and I felt bad... xD buuuuuuuuuuuut oh well.. more time to do stuff= yaaaay.

Anyways... I've been forgetting stuff left and right and staying up until 3 most nights to get crud done... oy.. *venting* hehe sry to ramble about stuff... but yeesh..

And for some reeeally weird reason... my jaw hurts... <.< I dunno why.. it feels like I pulled something but I don't think I did cuz it came on slowly and now it just hurts really bad.. it hurts to smile.. which is weeeeird... but yeah... hopefully it will get better xD

Weeeell off I go to a meeting thing of dooooom... talk to yous later! ^.^

Here are my crazy pictures from my Florida trip... unfortunately they are not too uber exciting cuz I fail with cameras and remembering to you know, uuuse them... T.T buuuut oh well.. I thought I would post them anyways... some are pretty funny... hehe.. yay for Chris' friends being insane! ^.^

( Crazy people goofing off tiiime! )

Yaaaay!!!

Hehehe this is a very random entry... but I just thought I would share it with you all.

As you all know, I'm obsessed with birds... and in my back yard there is a small family I guess of (what I found out to be called) Cooper's hawks... and they are immature, so I'm guessing that all three of them are little brothers and/or sisters.. hehe... here's a picture!



( And here's another one ^.^ )

Earlier today, I went outside and walked very close to one that was perched on a branch and we just stared at each other for a while... it got nervous at first but then tucked one of it's feet under its plumage, which means that it was comfortable, and signaled to me that it didn't see me as a threat... ^_^ it was so cute! He sqealed a couple of times as well to the other ones... :D

There are now officially no squirrels in my back yard.. and if any do so happen to step foot in my back yard... heaven help them.. I saw one being chased by two earlier today... LoL I'm not sure if he got away or not.

Anyways, I want to name them but they all look the same hehehe. Another fun fact is that when they reach adulthood their eyes will change from yellow to red... ^_^ exciting... LoL my mom said that I should have become an ornithologist... not a bad idea really but I figured "eeeh.. I would have to research them and travel to places where there are bugs.. so naaaah.." LoL Seriously I was out there for like 10 minutes and I got 4 bug bites... during the daaaay... T.T but anyways.. *rambling* I will now shut up about the cute little birdies of prey! ^.^ *squee* :X

*runs off*

Hehe.. helloooo everyone!

Omgeees I need to see Harry Potter (not to mention Transformers)... o.o I'm excited... hehe, from what I've seen it looks awesome ^.^ *dances*

Anyways... my life is pretty boring, thats probably why I haven't updated in a while, but stiiiill... However, there is good news.. well, for me at least... I am going to FLORIDAAAAA!!! xD hehe basically from the 20th of July to the 4th or 5th of August, I'll be away.. some of that will be spent over at Chris' house though.. but basically... I'm heading over to Chris' that Friday.. and then heading out insaaanely early in the morning (or late at night depending on how you look at it xD) cuz we are driving all the way down there... we being Chris and his friends and his friend's family... it will be lots of fun though.. even though it will be kinda expensive.. but I think it will be a nice thing to do... to relax and stuff... so yay ^.^

I will probably get sunburned like nothing else though <.< meeeh.. LoL but oh well.. I told Chris that he is my official sunblock-putter-oner <.< hehe and I was like "Okay duuude.... you have to put it on me like every 10 minutes cuz I'm freakish like that... are you up to the chaaaalleeeenge?!!" and he was like "..... okaaaay..." LoL

^.^ But yeah, I just thought I would let you guys know what I was up to in case you were trying to get a hold of me to hang out or somethin and yeeeah.. xD buuut until then... I'll probably be free to do things ^.^ weee!

Hmm... what to pack what to paaack... meh... oh well.. I'm sure I'll forget stuff anyway... I'm weird in that I have to think this stuff over a while in advance LoL but yeah.. hmm.. I'll bring my sketch book if I can fit it safely... yeeesh ^.~

Anyways I am rambling.. sorry for the lame entry.. I'll post again when I got more interesting news... and hopefully I'll take pictures of the trip if my camera stops being poopy... yaaay ^_^

*Runs off to bed*

Dramatic look for the win!: (watch it omgeees, only 5 seconds! xD)


BEST, FUNNIEST VIDEO... EVER! xD omg... it never gets old.. in fact, the more you watch it.. the funnier it gets! xD aaah! *tear* okay... I'm good... ah... xD *That is all*

So yeah since I'm bored I thought I would say hi to you all and post something from my favorite anime that makes me happy... weee! (even though its just a music vid.. and not from the actual... yeah anyways..) YouTube tiiime! (I suggest just watchin it instead of trying to read the words cuz u dont need to read to understand teh cuteness! LoL *shuts up*)



*sigh* Its so like me and Chris (and btw.. I know he's short, and it pains me too.. LoL he's actually 18 though so its cool.. I guess.. again, like Chris, who looks younger.. teehee ..ANYWAYS) xD Enough with the sappyness.. hehe

So yesh.. my summer so far is starting out slow yet hectic <.< if that is even possible... I guess full of five million ideas.. but hard to start all those ideas... that might explain it better... I reeeally want to start creating dolls though.. I'm hoping to go shopping for fabric as early as tomorrow... *hopes* and then I'll make a bunch and figure out how to sell them from there... crazyness... and if I get any done I'll show you guys and if you ever want one, no problemo.. if I set up an Ebay account, I won't want you to buy it from there cuz I would charge way more.. but for friends its muuuuch cheaper and stuffs.. weeee! hehe

Okay, so I lied, back to sappyness again.. sry.. xD I hope I get to see Chris again sometime soon.. he mentioned something about a BBQ soon at his house.. that would be awesome.. now all I gotta do is convince my dad to take me... Ah I wish I had a car *shakes fist at sky* ... oooh well.. and he seriously needs to come down here soon cuz we planned to go to Ocean City gosh darn it.. LoL

Anyways, I shall spare you from this continuous stream of conciousness... ^_^ ttyl peoples :D

Hehe so I had a fun time over at Chris' this past weekend ^.^ I love him dearly, even if he is a nutcase xD hehe

Chris' friends showed me this video while I was over that made me laugh:



All I gotta say is... WTF mate <.< and... what were they on when they made this.. LoL gotta love the English xD

They also showed me these HILARIOUS videos that are spoof GI Joe cartoon... things... here, take a look at some if you like... so great... ah, *tear* xD http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=zoso1964

Aaaaanyways... okay... just to let all of you knows, juuuust in case u are wondering... I left my cell phone over at Chris' place and soooo I am without a cell phone now... and he turned it off.. and is taking forever to send it to me but that okaaaaaay (breathes) LoL sooooooooo yeah... he said he will be able to send it to me on Monday though so... yay... and then yesh... You don't realize how sadly addicted you are to a piece of technology until its gone and at the same time.. its kinda refreshing... but yeah.. I kiiiinda want it back now.. hehehe so yeah...

Lets seeeee.... Yeah I guess thats it for now hehe... me go sleepies now, much loveness!

It is OVER! I am FREE! WOOoOOOooOOooOo! *runs around like a nut case* ..... *then dances*

Yeeeeesh... so aaanyway... I'll be headin home tomorrow, which is technically today, cuz its 12:30am xD but yeeeah... and then off I go to Chris' for a couple of days xD WOO! Anyways... *hugness to all!* xD

*goes off surfing teh internets*

Just Awesome! "put it in the basket! the Basket.. ba,ba, basket basket" xD
And this is why I love birds! SO CUTE! OMGEEES! *and goes back to studying.. darn a.d.d.* o.O

Woo! So yeah I am soooo close to being done with school that its painful, LoL

Right now I'm procrastinating studying for my final, one of two that are, I think, created by Satan.. okay well one of them is created by Satan... hehe.. I got a D on the midterm version because I suck at written tests... plus she expects us to memorize like eeeevery little detail and write about it in this kind of fancy *hi, I must be British* manner... which if I'm trying to actually answer everything and remember everything in the time I have for it... I can't do it... LoL so yeeeeeeeeah... hense I'm studying my butt off so I can do that... and stuff... MEH! its tomorrow... once tomorrow is over.. I will be soooo happy... and I don't even care about the other one in comparison LoL (cept I do... but yeah xD) anyways *rambling*

So yesh, two more days of finals.. then FREEEEDOM! *dances* aaand on Sunday, I'll go over to Chris' house ^.^ yay! I think we shall see Spiderman 3 cuz we are awesome nerds like that.. *excited*

So my plans for the summer.... >.< I dunno, I'm hoping to get a job.. hehe but I'm not exactly sure what that job will beeee... I also know that I'm going to be creating crazy art creations... such as paintings, dolls, and costumes.. so that will be fun... and actually my official summer project will be figuring out Ebay and setting up an account there so maybe I can sell some dolls on it or something... If I'm able to get that running relatively well, perhaps that will be my "job" over the summer hehe... so we'll see how it goes xD woo hoo!

Well... off to studying again... -_- waaa!

Hehehe okay so funny story:

There is this guy that works in the food court place we call the Johnson Center (JC) at my school.. that has a huuuuge crush on me or somethin.. LoL (it all started at the Taco Bell) he has these like huge thick glasses and stuff.. yeah we are talking the kind that magnify the eye so it looks like its the size of the entire glass lense LoL.. and he's really nice and everything.. but yeah... I mean... I don't want to be mean or anything.. but... yeeeeeah... oy I'll just say I kinda feel bad for him... you know? LoL but anyways... the story...

So today I went up to him to pay for my food.. I got pizza and a soda... and he got all excited and was like "oh HEEEEEEEEY... how you doing?! Long time no see! How's classes?" and so on.. and I was very nice and everything and he also started asking me weird stuff like "so do you have bonus money or mason money?" and I was wondering why he was asking me this cuz I was asking to pay for the meal with my meal plans... so I was like "well.. I don't have bonus but I do have mason moneeey" <.< and he was like ah cool... I was just thinking "oookaaay" cuz I thought he used a meal plan and stuff and so he hands me my receipt and he's like "nice to see you again!" and I was like "same to you, see ya!" and I left... and it was only after I left that I looked at my receipt...

It said "1 20oz Water ... 0.20" (meaning he used just 20 cents of my mason money instead of wasting a meal plan) and I was like o.O OMGEEEEEES LoL! and I felt bad cuz I totally didn't realize that he did that until afterwards.. LoL so now its going to be weeeird when I see him again and I'm like.. should I be all like "yeeeah I saw you did that thing with the water.. instead... that was .... niiice.." xD It was so funny though... hehehe

Anyways.. I hope that guy finds someone one day.. cuz he's nice... but yeeah... yeeeeah... LoL anyways xD just thought I would share the funnaaay.. ^_^ Ah the joys of being a girl and getting things for "free" because of it... hehe

CRAP my teacher is here.. oh well... T.T

Anyways... something awesome:

I got a whole DVD box set of the complete series of Sonic the Hedgehog.. and this is the awesome one from 1993... with Sally the squirrel with the blue boots... its AWESOME! hehee Its so ghetto and Sonic sounds a bit like old school Michael Jackson but thats ooookaaay...

The only problem:

I have the really lame theme song stuck in my head:

Blue Streak Speeds by, Sonic the Hedgehog
Too fast for the Naked Eye, Sonic the Hedgehog
Sonic, he can really move,
Sonic, he's got an attitude
Sonic, he's the fastest thing alive.

Look out when he storms through, Sonic the Hedgehog
Don't doubt what he can do, Sonic the Hedgehog
Sonic, he can really move,
Sonic, he's got an attitude
Sonic, he's the fastest thing alive
he's the fastest thing alive
he's the fastest thing alive.

dear god... make it stop.... xD hehe

Helloooooos ^.^

So okay I know some people or somethin wanted to read the poems I did in high school? <.< hmm maybe I drempt that.... *shrug* oh weeeell... I (finally!) uploaded them to my Deviant Art account anyways... soooo ^.^

http://artfaery.deviantart.com/gallery/

here they all are if anyone is bored enough to read them ^.^ wow they bring back some crazy memories... aaa I miss Mrs. Mackinnon.. <.< only cuz she liked me though LoL she was nice... xD But more importantly.. I miss that class and how awesome it was that there were so many of my friends in it ^.^ teeheee

But yeeeah.. looking back on some of them... they kinda suck.. but thats okaaay LoL

Anyways... I should get on with doing my homework that I am crazy procrastinating sooooo I'll talk to you alls later... weeee~

All I have to say is: AWESOME! *dances* xD



LoL bugs! hehehehe Rasputin FTW (cept you know, not really) <.< *labels self 'total loser'* xD (edit- had to put a new vid on here LoL)

*squee to Bartok too* xD

Hehehe This weekend was some cool beans! Julia came to visit and we had some fun times going on random adventures... yay, I'm glad she could come down and hang out and stuffs ^_^

*dances*

In other news, things with Chris and I are okay again.. I mean he's taking time to talk to me and stuffs again ^_^ and he understands what I was talking about... as much as a boy can anyway.. LoL.. and he also got the job he was hoping for.. so thats some cool beans ^_^

AAAAlsoooo he might be able to come down to visit me the weekend after next weekend(the one after the weekend coming up, u know) so I'm looking forward to that like crazy madness ^.^ This weekend coming up though I'm going to have to go home on Thursday so I can work on some stuff with my dad.. but yeeesh

Hmm what else... ooo I beat my Zelda-Twilight Princess game.. so that was some fun beans ^.^ hehehe if ya want to see the cut scene right before the crazy last fight Click here if you don't mind having the end of Twilight Princess kinda spoiled o.O hehehe (its on a Wii though so its a mirror image of what I saw on the gamecube but oh well)

hehe aaaaanyways... I hope all is well.. I'm going to be up soooo late talking to Chris and doing my homework but thats okaaaaay ^_^ Loveness!

So I know I might not be one that has it the roughest out there of course.. but I do have some issues I'm dealing with that have come to a point where they are starting to overwelm me a bit... making me feel sad and stressed out... (hmmm, I'll put them in an lj-cut so I don't spam ur friend's page.. LoL..)

( Read more... )

hehehe Helloooo aaaall... I thought I would randomly share with you all a plushie I made... I actually made this a while back for my friend Holly but yesh... weee

( Yay Bunny! )

I need to make more so I can have one LoL!

Anyways, Loveness to all! hehe